“Nothing is really little as long as it is genuine.”
The temptation to be like the world is as close to us as a mother kangaroo is to her her baby. It’s normal for people, for humans like us to crave for acceptance from the world we live in. We’d rather take nasty, second-hand, fifty-percent meant compliments rather than have genuine, authentic, and rebuking kind of conversations. We’d choose to suffer the guilt of not being true on our own little bubbles, our rooms and the closed comfort of our homes than to reveal who we truly are and what we truly feel to everyone around us. Including those who confess they’re just like us – the ones whom you share the same faith with, the same blood with, in one lifetime or another. We get so caught up by becoming someone to others, someone strong, someone who’s got it all together, we…
Below are some random thoughts I’ve been having lately that I felt like writing down just because they’d been bouncing around in my head and I felt like letting them out.
Lately I feel like I haven’t been taking good care of myself.
I’ve been so focused on trying to be a light for others that I feel like I’ve neglected being a light for myself.
I want to do good for others. I want to change the world for the better. I want to be the best person I can be.
One of the reasons why is because, according to my parents, I almost died as result of my premature birth. I was born 3 months premature.
I see my life as a miracle, and I don’t want to waste it.
But I’m not perfect. To be blunt: I’ve fucked up.
There are times where I’ve become the kind of person I promised myself I never would be, and that has ended relationships I thought would last forever.
I believe there is a God.
Because: There’s a feeling within me that there is more to existence than what I can perceive with my senses. I don’t care if I’m seen as “illogical,” and I don’t care if I’m seen as “close-minded,” but: There is nothing anyone can do or say to persuade me that there is not something more to existence.
I believe that God loves me.
But, at the same time, I believe I am undeserving of God’s love. One of the reasons why I believe I am undeserving is: I struggle with pride. And, if I think to myself I don’t deserve ___, than I won’t be as tempted to think Life owes me ___! I want it! I want it! I want it! like a spoiled brat.
What currently drives me to write is the fact that I think so much of the art by my fellow Christians is awful. For example:
I hate saying that. After all: We (Christians and non-Christians) are just doing what we can to be the best we can. But I’m not going to be dishonest about my feelings.
I know my own writing isn’t the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know I still have a long way to go before my writing is ready to be seen by the masses. But there has got to be better art made by Christians. And I want to do what I can to make “better art.”
I feel like a lot of my posts come across as pessimistic. And that troubles me. As a Catholic, I know I shouldn’t be like that — I shouldn’t be pessimistic. But if I were to say “I’m not pessimistic” than I would be lying. And I will not lie.
It felt good to let that out.
The song that does the best job of conveying my current mood:
In February, I started my first job in over 3 years. I’m glad I’m working again, but it can be hard.
Last week, I decided to end a relationship with a friend after I came to the conclusion that communication had broken down and such a relationship was now doing me more harm than good. In short: Briefly, I became the kind of person I promised myself I would never be, and that cost me someone dear. I pray for her, wishing her the best. But I came to the conclusion that it is better for me if she not have such a prominent place in my life anymore.
My deadline for deciding whether or not to continue my college education is drawing near.
There has been at least one bright spot, though: I finished my first screenplay.
It’s a short film about how a young woman’s choice to go naked effects her search for meaning in her life after she returns home upon dropping out of college.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
~Matthew 5:14 — 16
I have nothing against Ellen Page. I think she’s a good actress.
But: She seems to be the go-to woman when making movie-esque video games.
Which is why: I’m glad Life is Strange is blazing its own trail by — as far as I know — having a protagonist not based on a real person.
Choices That Matter
Whenever I heard this…
…a chill went down my spine. Even when (I thought) I’d made the most compassionate choice possible. I didn’t know how my choice could come back to haunt me. But it just might! Anything was possible when I saw that butterfly.
Not every action has consequences…
…but the ones that do caused existential panic.
Thank you, Life is Strange, for making me ask myself What am I doing with my life?
Living on the west coast, the fictional town of Arcadia Bay, Oregon, made me see my home in a new light, and appreciate it more.
As someone who is currently itching to put home in their rearview mirror and go out into the wide world…
…it did me good to realize that there is more to my home than I had previously thought.
Lately, just sitting back and listening to the Life is Strange soundtrack reminds me that, currently, I’m exactly where I need to be.
That’s another thing that’s great about Life is Strange: The chances the game gives Max — and, thus, you — to just stop, sit, and think.
There is a lot of grey in Life is Strange.
Choices that I thought were right, and made with the best of intentions, came back to haunt me.
Choices that I didn’t think much of at the time had consequences I didn’t imagine.
And characters who, at first glance, I thought I had all figured out, revealed sides to themselves that made me go “Wait. What?”
I believe in good and evil.
But good and evil isn’t always as easy to tell apart as black and white. And I’m glad that Life is Strange acknowledges that reality.
I’m glad that Max’s and Chloe’s relationship isn’t romantic.
Unless you allow it to be:
The reason I say that is: There is no shortage of stories about romantic love between two people. The first story that comes to mind is Titanic (1997).
And so I’m glad Life is Strange‘s story can revolve around a platonic — i.e., non-sexual –relationship between two people: Former best friends Max and Chloe.
Because: I feel like not a lot of love stories do that — explore love from a non-sexual perspective.
Near the end of Chapter 3, Chloe and Max get into a fight after a revelation about Chloe’s missing friend Rachel Amber.
I’m glad Life is Strange gave me the option to tell Chloe “Grow up. You’re not the only one with problems.”
This is why: I’ve run across a lot of people saying Chloe isn’t a good person. And such a view is justified. For example: Chloe asks Max to steal money from a fund for handicapped students so that she can pay off a debt to a drug dealer.
But the reason actions like that ultimately don’t bother me is: I don’t have to stand for it.
I can put my foot down and basically say “Chloe, you’re out of control.” Whether or not Chloe will listen to me is another matter. But at least I can make it crystal clear where I stand on her life choices.
Part of me is too scared to play through it again. At night, at least.
But another part of me wants to play it again purely for the sake of playing the Stranger Things theme as I navigate the endless hallway:
The more I listen to it, the more the Life is Strange soundtrack becomes one of my favorites.
Twists And Turns
“Predictable” is not the word I would to describe Life is Strange.
It’s the kind of story that made me think I’ve been playing for almost 4 hours, but this chapter isn’t going to finish itself!
It’s one of the few series I’ve binge-watched/played. (The others are: Daredevil, Luke Cage, and Eureka Seven.)
Chloe’s realization at the end of Chapter 5 is one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen.
0:00 — 3:26:
It’s one of the reasons that I don’t believe the world needs more “Christian movies”…
…the world just needs more goodness, truth, and beauty. No matter where that goodness, truth, and beauty comes from.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.