Melancholy

“Even when they explore the darkest depths of the soul or the most unsettling aspects of evil, artists give voice in a way to the universal desire for redemption.”
~Pope John Paul II — Letter to Artists

Sehnsucht: “Tender, wistful, and/or melancholic desire; yearning, longing.”

I’ve been feeling melancholic lately.

The reason why is: Once again, I find myself stuck in a rut.

My circumstances being what they are, my foreseeable future sees me continuing to work at a grocery store stocking shelves and pricing items and saving up my money for future endeavors.

On the one hand, I’m happy:

I’d spent months vacillating about whether or not to return to college. And, when I was recently made more aware of my financial situation earlier this month, that put an end to my indecisiveness. I wouldn’t be returning to college. At least, not for a long time.

On the other hand, I’m sad:

I see my family and friends going off and doing so many amazing things with their lives, and I can’t help but feel trapped.

I know I’m not the same person I was 4 years ago — before I went to college and before I made the decision to come home.

For example: Now I feel like I know what I want to do with my life: Be a screenwriter.

But it’s hard not to feel that I haven’t grown or, worse, regressed.

And that fear makes me think: As a Catholic, am I supposed to be melancholic? Is there a place for sadness in the life of a follower of Jesus?

After all: I’m a bringer of the Good News: “He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.'” (Mark 16:15)

How can I be sad?

sigh

I can be sad because I’m only human.

“‘You can’t go home again’ said Thomas Wolfe. Yet here I am.”
~Max Caulfield, Life is Strange

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and outdoor

“I’m somewhere
You’re somewhere
I’m nowhere
You’re nowhere”
~Angus & Julia Stone

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8 thoughts on “Melancholy

  1. I don’t know much about Catholicism but I believe that it’s totally fine to be sad. It’s just a part of the human experience. And I think God’s role is in that sadness is either pulling us out of it or allowing us to feel it so we can grow stronger. At any rate, I hope you feel better soon. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Although who am I to talk about that…

    1. Thank you for telling me.

      I’m glad I’m not the only one struggling in this way.

      I’ll pray for you.

      If there’s one thing I know, it’s to keep on trusting in God and not allow negativity to take hold in one’s life by filling one’s life with positive things instead.

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