“Even when they explore the darkest depths of the soul or the most unsettling aspects of evil, artists give voice in a way to the universal desire for redemption.”
~Pope John Paul II — Letter to Artists
Sehnsucht: “Tender, wistful, and/or melancholic desire; yearning, longing.”
I’ve been feeling melancholic lately.
The reason why is: Once again, I find myself stuck in a rut.
My circumstances being what they are, my foreseeable future sees me continuing to work at a grocery store stocking shelves and pricing items and saving up my money for future endeavors.
On the one hand, I’m happy:
I’d spent months vacillating about whether or not to return to college. And, when I was recently made more aware of my financial situation earlier this month, that put an end to my indecisiveness. I wouldn’t be returning to college. At least, not for a long time.
On the other hand, I’m sad:
I see my family and friends going off and doing so many amazing things with their lives, and I can’t help but feel trapped.
I know I’m not the same person I was 4 years ago — before I went to college and before I made the decision to come home.
For example: Now I feel like I know what I want to do with my life: Be a screenwriter.
But it’s hard not to feel that I haven’t grown or, worse, regressed.
And that fear makes me think: As a Catholic, am I supposed to be melancholic? Is there a place for sadness in the life of a follower of Jesus?
After all: I’m a bringer of the Good News: “He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.'” (Mark 16:15)
How can I be sad?
I can be sad because I’m only human.
“‘You can’t go home again’ said Thomas Wolfe. Yet here I am.”
~Max Caulfield, Life is Strange
~Angus & Julia Stone