“What does it mean to follow your heart?”
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself lately.
And I think I found the answer:
To follow your heart is to do what you love, even if “what you love” is not what others think is best for you.
The reason I say that is:
Today I made the choice to, for the foreseeable future, not return to college.
I’ve been home from my first 2 semesters of college for almost 3 years now, and the choice to go back or not go back, until tonight, has been hanging over my head every day.
The reason I dropped out after 2 semesters is:
I took classes that, I realized too late, I wasn’t prepared to take and, for a week, was as sick as I have ever been for reasons that are still unknown.
Hard classes and sickness, combined with the notification I received in the spring that I was failing a number of my classes, made me think What am I doing here?
So, after crawling across the finish line that was the end of my second semester, I came home in order to try and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Because college clearly wasn’t working.
In one way or another, for almost 3 years, that’s what I’ve been doing — just trying to find my purpose in life.
This blog is part of that search.
Thanks to WordPress, I’ve met amazing people who have changed my life for the better. People like TheOriginalPhoenix, BeautyBeyondBones, The Closet Atheist, sunshine lou, and thesixfootbonsai.
Thanks to TheOriginalPhoenix, I am learning how to live boundless.
Thanks to BeautyBeyondBones, I am learning how important it is to always be willing to listen to another’s perspective. To always be ready and willing to offer what comfort or praise I can.
Thanks to sunshine lou, I am learning to love myself. Love myself in all my rawness. And I am learning what it means to follow my heart.
Thanks to The Closet Atheist, I am learning that dialogue between people with different points of view is possible.
Thanks to thesixfootbonsai, I am learning the importance of doing what I can to fight for people whose voices need to be heard.
Through research, I’ve realized that my previous career goal — librarian — is not a good fit for me. So, because I don’t know what exactly I would be studying if I went back to college, I won’t be going back to college.
What I will be doing, starting tomorrow, is:
Applying for a part-time job, and continuing to hope and pray that a volunteer position at my local public library opens up. (I sent an application to my library weeks ago, but haven’t heard back.) I need the money, and I think a library would be a good work environment for me.
I don’t know what my future holds.
I don’t know why God made me.
But I’m praying for answers.
I am reminded of a quote from a Catholic priest: “Trust in God, and you will not have trusted in vain.”
When I’m not praying, what I’m trying to do is follow my heart:
I’m trying to do what I believe is best for me — not what others, despite their pure intentions which I appreciate, believe is best for me.
Thank you, everyone, for everything you have done for me.
The way I see it: Life is a journey. Thank you for being on this journey with me.