I’m Sorry I’m So Depressing

Re-reading Sunshine Lou’s post Naked vibes are good vibes, I had a realization:

I still struggle with depression.

I read how Lou feels so fulfilled. So at peace with herself. I read how Lou is trying to do what I’m trying to do, too: Bring light and positivity into peoples’ lives. And I think to myself: Why can’t I be more like her?

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others.

I know that everyone has their own path in life.

I know that everyone is on this earth for a purpose that is unique.

Lou made me realize that my life is missing something, though:

A “Look before leaping attitude” — the kind of attitude that says “I’m just going to go for it. I’m just going to do what I believe, with all of my soul, to be right.”

Lou made me realize that I’ve been like Fluttershy:

I’ve been content with dreaming: With just telling myself “One day I’ll do ___,” or “One day I’ll be ___.”

For one reason or another, I’ve been afraid to actually take the steps that will make the better life I imagine for myself  a reality.

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Well, no more.

I’m done with just dreaming.

I’m going to actually do what I can to make my dreams a reality.

Like clothes, I’m going to “take off” my feelings of depression, and wade into the mysterious, deep, and beautiful ocean called life

Lou,

Thank you for all you are doing.

I always like reading your posts. It’s inspiring to see someone who is so full of life and so passionate about helping people be the best they can be.

I hope you don’t think of me as weird or anything. I don’t want to come across negatively to anyone. I’m trying to be the best I can be, and do what I can to help and encourage others to be the best they can be, too.

Note: My feelings of depression rearing their ugly head again, and getting ready for Christmas, is why I’ve been behind on my Celebrating Beauty posts.

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4 thoughts on “I’m Sorry I’m So Depressing

  1. I’ve struggled with depression before. No fun. I wish you the best in overcoming it and I’m here to talk if you need anything. Best of luck in making your dreams come to fruition. (Out of curiosity, what are your dreams?)

    1. “…I’m here to talk if you need anything.”

      Thank you.

      “Out of curiosity, what are your dreams?”

      1. I want to get a job at my local library. I think working at a library would play to my strengths.

      2. I want to become more independent: I don’t want to be as dependent on my parents as I currently am. It’s time I learn more of the skills necessary for living on my own.

      3. I want to be able to forgive myself for deciding to come home from college: Leaving my college education unfinished is something I continue to beat myself up over. (I had a very hard quarter and, at the end of it, realized that college, for the time being, was no place for me.)

      1. Those are some admirable goals. Picking up a job at your library will definitely help you build independence as well.

        I don’t know how restrictive your parents are but I know mine are pretty uptight (so it’s kind of hard for me to be independent when they control everything.) If that’s the case for you, find ways to work around the system. I started this blog without telling them and I’ve learned so much about myself and writing in the process. There are ways to make it work.

        Don’t beat yourself up so much for not going to college. It was your decision and it was the right one. College just wasn’t your path, so instead of feeling guilty for not following the same path as everyone else, find the path that is yours. Then revel in it.

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