I don’t know why, but conversations with Christians, more often than not, leave me feeling empty. Not humbled by some new revelation I have as a result of the conversation, not grateful that such a conversation happened. Just…empty.
I don’t think this empty feeling is a result of pride, or wanting to hold on to my beliefs. I just feel like I wasted my time.
More often than not, I feel like I’ve been taking to a wall. And that feeling is made even worse when I think “Maybe the person I was talking to feels like they were talking to a wall too.” Which depresses me.
I do everything I can to be as courteous as I can during conversations: I never call people names, make condescending remarks, or make assumptions about the person I’m talking to. I feel I’m doing the best that I, as an imperfect human being, can. And yet, I feel as if all my effort is useless. It’s my fault: I start these conversations.
I know only God can change a person’s heart, but I feel as if nothing I say matters. And, thus, I feel as if I don’t matter. And that hurts.