“I am His before I’m yours.”

“…I love you, but I am His before I’m yours…”
~ Elizabeth, to her husband, Tony, in the 2015 movie War Room

Maybe this is me being immature, but if my wife said those words to me, my response would be “Then what do you need me for?”


Like Elizabeth, I am a Christian.* I understand what Elizabeth means when she says “…I am His before I’m yours…” — “God is #1.” And that’s as it should be. God is the ultimate source joy and peace: A person should Him first. But. Though I am a believer in the power and necessity of transparency and communication, and believe those words — “God is #1.” — I wouldn’t want them said to me. Why?

The words themselves make me feel uncomfortable. I would know what my wife means, and that her intent for saying such words is pure. Still: Like a weed, the words “I am His before I’m yours” would grow in my mind. I would get depressed. I would think “My wife doesn’t love me.” If she said “I love you,” I wouldn’t believe it. And I don’t see how I could bring myself to believe it. Every act of love my wife did for me from that moment forward wouldn’t feel sincere, since I would know for sure that she would always love someone else (God) more. I would feel, too, like I was competing for my wife’s love. And competing against God is an exercise in futility.


On a side note:

For a while now I’ve wondered “Why did God create other people?” If God is the ultimate source joy and peace, than why did Adam need Eve? I know there’s an explanation why in the Bible (Genesis 2:19 — 20) but still: Why does Adam need Eve to make him feel whole if he’s got the source of wholeness (God) at his side at all times?

Adam and Eve5

More than once, too, I’ve thought of what it might be like if every one of the 7 billion people on Earth lived in their own individual worlds — just them and God, with no interaction with any other human being.


*Specifically, I’m a Catholic.


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